"I may be a black sheep, but my hooves are made of gold."

30th January 2012

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HOT-FLOOR VOCALS

All I care about right now is something called HOT-FLOOR VOCALS, which is a term my friend dumped in my ear while I was annoyingly singing the theme song to The New Adventures of Wonder Woman in McCarren Park a few weekends ago. The concept is simple: to get those back-up singers to attack their lines with such urgency and power, the floors obvo had to be heated up under them. Enjoy this and agree and we will explore more of my fave HOT-FLOOR VOCALS as the week progresses. <END TRANSMITTAL>

Tagged: wonder womanlynda cartermusicsinging70stvtelevisionHOT-FLOOR VOCALS

24th August 2011

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Tagged: molly tarlovawkwardAWKWARD.mtvtvtelevisionSadiesadie saxton

24th August 2011

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Tagged: molly tarlovawkwardAWKWARD.mtvtvtelevisionSadiesadie saxton

24th August 2011

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Tagged: molly tarlovawkwardAWKWARD.mtvtvtelevisionSadiesadie saxton

19th July 2011

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meet the nicest mean girl ever: molly tarlov →

My friend’s new show premieres on MTV tonight at 11pm. It’s called Awkward, which is also how I would describe reading this interview with her in Seventeen. But, really, this moment has been in the making (for me at least) for the past twelve years.

On the evening of February 12, 1999, I went to the Carmike 10 cineplex to see the new Sarah Michelle Gellar romantic comedy “Simply Irresistible”. I had been eagerly anticipating the film’s release since its earliest days in pre-production, back when it was called “Vanilla Fog” (the same way SMG’s other 1999 outing “Cruel Intentions” had originally been titled “Cruel Inventions”). But opening night was upon me. I was 13 years old, and I was ready.

The film opens with SMG’s character, Amanda, perusing the Green Market in Union Square, where she intends to stock up on fresh ingredients for the dishes she’ll make at her restaurant that day. Amanda stops by a berry stand and greets the woman and young girl who run it. The woman tries to dupe Amanda into buying blackberries, claiming that they’re ‘fantastic’. The girl, however, furtively clues Amanda into the fact that it’s actually the raspberries that are primo that day. Amanda asks for the raspberries, and mouths an equally-furtive ‘thank you’ to the girl.

What I wanted to know was who the fuck this bitch of a preteen was that she was able to have a sweet, heart-warming interaction with SMG in a major motion picture. Where the hell did she get off? I truly hated her—reviled her! Little did I know that I had just glimpsed, for the first time, my soul mate.

Years later, I arrived at Bennington College for my freshman year. As a particularly prickly little son-of-a-bitch, I wasn’t the most graceful at making friends. One afternoon, in the Green Room, I met a girl named Molly. After suggesting that she hailed from Long Island, I took every cigarette from her just-opened pack of Marlboro Lights and put each of them in my mouth at once. If looks could kill, my god! First Long Island, now this?! Nevertheless, I found myself in her room sometime later. Hung prominently on her wall was an image I was all-too familiar with: the promotional one-sheet for “Simply Irresistible”. Did she love the movie?! Was it her favorite?! Why did she have that poster?! These questions could not have been answered quickly enough.

As it happens, Molly was in it! A small part, just at the very beginning of the film, as a precocious girl working at a berry stand in Union Square. My jaw dropped through the floor and into the Stokes living room. It had happened—5 years too late, but my god! it had happened: I had come face-to-face with my arch nemesis.

Time had dulled my hunger for bloody revenge, though. Beginning there, at that moment, Molly and I embarked on what has been a long and storied friendship—the kind of meaningful, rewarding, giddy friendship that each of you yearns for every night, eyes glimmering an envious green through your cascading tears. But, too bad for you, it was only for us.

It’s been twelve years since I first laid eyes on her, and seven since we met in person, so tonight’s premiere is just too fucking exciting. To Molly, the nicest mean girl ever! If only I had cable….

Tagged: awkwardmtvtvtelevisionmolly tarlovseventeenbennington